WAIT!! DON'T PASS THAT JUDGEMENT YET!!

 WAIT!! DON'T PASS THAT JUDGEMENT YET!!



I recently read this story about a Nigerian US soldier that died and Nigerians were blaming the wife for his death. This is very typical of Nigerians. The sad thing is this, Nigerian women were also attacking her too. Most of the people who watched the video of the lady sending the man out of the house were not even patient enough to study the video or hear out what exactly drove the woman over the border that way.

I am in no way supporting the woman. All I am saying is this, we do not know what brought her to that breaking point. We do not know what she has had to endure.

In the Western parts of the world, the woman is allowed to send the man out of the house if he is being violent or if she does not feel safe with him.
Most women like the one that we read about some time ago that bled to death as a result of her husband beating her while pregnant will without blinking an eye done the same thing to their husband if the Nigerian society gave them that option. You know why most Nigerian or in some vast cases, African women refuse to leave their husband even when they know that they are unsafe with him? The society will frown at it and then, you will suffer with your children starting from the fact that you might end up on the street with no house to stay in. No roof over the head of your children. You will most likely suffer rejection and hunger. On the other hand, the western part of the world keeps some men on check with the fact that if they misbehave, they will lose everything including their children and they will continue to pay alimony for a very long time.

I am not saying that some women do not take advantage of this situation. Yes, they do but imagine that you are in an abusive relationship whether, emotional or physical, and you are given a choice to send him out or to leave and continue suffering with your kids. I know that most people will choose to send him out and even have his visits to his kids supervised.

None of us can really ascertain exactly what Mrs Okebata passed through to warrant her actions. It is very painful that it had to end like this but let us all please not pass such judgements on her because some of us might do worse if placed in the same shoes. When things happen to others, do not sit down in the comfort of your home to judge it.

•  Analyse it properly and when you are done, 
• think deeply about what to say, after that,
• check to see if what you are about to say will hurt someone's feelings. Do not let your words drag someone into depression.
• Then, you can say something about it to them. Not everyone is good at absorbing shock.

Always try to be the encouraging force as much as you can. Always tryto get the full gist before you an judge.

I LOVE YOU!!

WHAT IS FOR YOU, A DEAL BREAKER?

IN A RELATIONSHIP,WHAT IS YOUR DEAL BREAKER?

I have come across so many people's comment on their deal breaker  when in a relationship. You will definitely hear a lot of funny things people mention as their deal breaker. A guy once said that his deal breaker in any relationship is if the lady is not intelligent. If she cannot hold on to, maintain, or follow an intelligent conversation, then she just has to go.

But really, what should be a deal breaker for any relationship? If there should be a deal breaker for any relationship then what is the deal breaker for marriage?

Most of my ladies will quickly shout "VIOLENCE!!" or "CHEATING!!". For the guys, I have heard most of them say that their deal breakers are  "NOT GOOD AT COOKING" "NOT GOOD IN BEDMATICS!!" and "CHEATING".

Well, this is my advise, especially to young people who still have that opportunity to have a deal breaker. Please have a deal breaker at the back of your mind and watch out diligently for it. When you see it, run as fast as you can and do not look back no matter the odds.Once you are married, it is assumed that you have weed out all deal breaker and now what ever you find in there is something you can manage and tolerate. Do not bring children into the world to come and suffer the effect of broken homes.

The effect can be quite extreme in most cases.

• Insecurity
• Self esteem issues
• Usually get into the wrong hands
• Usually end up with the wrong upbringing 
• They usually end up having the same type of experience in their own marriage.
• The guys most times don't have respect for women in the society.
• Because they most times don't experience love, they do not always know how to show it and sometimes do not understand when it is shown to them.

You see? quite destabilizing effects so I beg you. Let your deal breaker be  dealt with before marriage and not after.

Waiting to hear from you.

I LOVE YOU!!

HOW RESPONSIBLE IS SHUFFLING YOUR FEET WHILE WALKING?!

HOW RESPONSIBLE IS SHUFFLING YOUR FEET WHILE WALKING?

Shuffling your feet while walking. Annoying right? This has become for so many, an unavoidable habit.
Imagine reading in the comfort of your office or praying then someone comes shuffling by.

My dear friends, please allow me to state that this is a lazy habit that you can do away with if you so desire. It is very irresponsible. It not only distracts but says tones about your personality. Try as much as you can to stop it or at least curtail it as much as possible.

Someone might say, "But I am already used to it. That is how I have been walking for as long as I can remember.Even my sister walks like that!"
Sister, brother, I have heard you. However, it is time for you to stop it. If you start cautioning your self and lifting up your legs while walking, eventually, you will get used to it. It is only about 2 out of 10 people that don't see at as annoying.
Work on it friends and in no distant time, you will be free from it.

A lady got into an office for an office. The MD quickly walked her out of the office. This was because they (the interview crew) heard her shuffling through the corridor before she got into the office!! Amazing right?! Some people get so relaxed about it that they do not realize when they have become extremely annoying with it.

Raise up your legs, do not drag it along. It is not expected to be heavy but if you suspect or feel that you legs are too heavy and you have to drag it along while walking, please kindly visit a good hospital closest to you and complain about them. It is not honorable at all but then this is my opinion. I'd love to hear yous too.

  

I LOVE YOU!!

THE BEST WAY TO CARRY YOUR BABY!!

 

THE BEST WAY TO CARRY YOUR BABY!!

Okay now can we just talk about this. Should women carry their children to their back or on a pouch in front of them?

Our Naija parents will shout at you for carrying your baby in a pouch in front of you. I have even heard a story of a lady who was carrying her baby in front of her and while crossing a major road, the straps of the pouch gave away and the baby fell and was supposedly crushed by an oncoming vehicle.
I on the other hand, have witnessed a lady carrying her baby on her back and walking to her older kid's school. A man carrying a pole passed her, she bent down and the man passed. Not walking for long, some one tapped her to tell her that her wrapper had blood stain on it.
Turns out, the man with the pole had hit the baby with the pole unintentionally and because the child was on the woman's back, she didn't notice. I have also watched a movie where a woman was carrying her child on her back in a bus and another lady slipped a drug into the child's mouth while pretending to help her adjust her baby from her back.

Now, analyzing this, most women carrying their kids on their back do that just because , "that is how our mothers used to carry their own too".
Some others say that they carry their children at their backs because it is more comfortable and it helps them do their chores with ease.

The other group of ladies, carry their children in front because they can see them better in that position. They can better monitor them to know what they are doing and how comfortable they are.

These two reasons are quite debatable. My advise: At home, carry your baby on your back. This is more comfortable and allows you go about doing your chores comfortably.
However, when you are going out, get a pouch and carry your baby infront of you. This position helps you better monitor your baby as you are likely to meet very uncomfortable conditions outside and your baby will be more comfortable looking at you smiling down at him/her.

Most times, in an uncomfortable bus, babies that fuss are usually tied up on their mother's backs and they do not know how best to relax when the bus gets too hot and unpleasant.

I want to know what you think. Your opinion matters to me. Pen it down on the comment section..

I LOVE YOU !!

DO YOU LOVE FOOTBALL? THEN GET I N HERE!!

DO YOU LOVE SPORTS? THEN GET IN HERE!!

Well, I love some certain sports (though not really a fan), but then there are some certain limits I think everyone should have when it comes to hubbies. For instance, someone who loved football while single should create some level of limits to his or her love for football after marriage. Your spouse should not be considered second after football. In most marriages, the wife feels like she is the second wife whilst football is the first wife.

The man gets home,pulls off his shirt (sometimes they don’t even have time to), then runs off to the parlour to watch a ‘very important’ match. Oh guys, this can be very frustrating especially if your spouse is trying to get your attention. We women love attention. We love to see you listen to us talk about how our day went. We love to see you notice that we look stressed (even when we are not actually stressed).

Some guys immediately notice that a particular team has changed their jersey but won’t notice that their wife has changed her hairstyle no matter how much she flaunts it in his face. Some are so addicted to movies that it becomes a challenge telling him anything as long as there is a movie in his face. Some men will tell you the name and story of everything that happened in every movie that is being advertised but they do not even know what class any of their kids are in or the story of how they got there.

I am not saying that you should drop all your hobbies once you get married but please kindly notice how much your wife wants you to reduce it. Discuss it. Find out how much it affects her because in the long run, it affects your home as much as it affects her.

I will tell you a story. I went to visit a dear friend. Her husband was in the parlour watching football with a friend. Infact, most times I tend to subtly equate people who are addicted to a particular hobby to people who drink. This is mostly because, these two tend to create time affection, and attention to friends who love this same hobbies as them. Well, after waiting for a while for my friend to come out, I asked from her husband who just pointed at the room. I went in there to find my friend on the floor writhing in great pain. Alarmed, I screamed out and you will not imagine that the two grown up men in the parlour were too distracted to hear me. I had to rush her out to the parlour and switch off the TV set before I could get their undivided attention. Turns out, my friend got back home with a serious headache and tried calling her husband’s phone to come and help her get paracetamol or at least, help her out in some way as their kids went to an evening service at a nearby church. Her husband said that he saw the phone ringing and thought that she maybe wanted to have a quicksie and didn’t like the fact that she was interrupting his football watching session for sex. She eventually opened the side drawer to their bed and took an old paracetamol that she thought was still okay for consumption. Imagine what would have happened if I did not get in when I did. Thank GOD for the swift action of their family doctor.

Like I said earlier, I am not saying that you should entirely drop your hobbies, everyone has one. All I am saying is this, find out when it is becoming an issues in your home. Do not let it go overboard. Your wife deserves your undivided attention at all non business hours.

NOTE:  If you want to find out if you are addicted to your hobby, discover a day that your wife is in a very happy mood, then drop the question; “honey, do you think that I’m addicted to this hobby of mine?” (I wish you good luck with the answer dear).

Well, friends, I’d love to know what you think. About this topic. Remember, I am a great listener and love to know your opinion. Pen it down on the comment section. Your opinion matters a lot to me..

I LOVE YOU!!

Hey there!!
Well, so it's my very first post on my blog.
I'd love to introduce myself to you first.

My name is Chidinma Okonkwo. Wife, mother, writer, analyst, and most of all, a shoulder you can cry on. A friend you can trust and seek advice from.

I love writing but more often, I prefer to listen to people and proffer advice. Talk to me and I will hold your hand through your struggle. I want to be there for you. Calling to make sure that you are fine, lending a listening ear and most importantly, a shoulder you can ALWAYS cry on.

So, even when you no longer have any friends to support or motivate you, join me today and always as we together ,

√ Get you out of that mess.

√ Motivate you to push further ahead even with stuff that everyone including your family said that you couldn't do.

√ Take the right path when the road divides into several confusing paths.

√ And finally, always have someone to call a friend.

Always remember, I love you!!